10 Things I Hate About Me

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love to criticize myself. It's embarrassing, but I could talk for hours with friends about things that I don't like about myself. They can be big things like, "I really wish I was taller" to things that it would practically take a microscope to see, like "My nostrils aren't very symmetrical."  Picking myself to pieces has become a favorite pastime of mine. Countless times I have sat inches away from the mirror to analyze the size of every pore on my face. I have have spent hours dreaming of what I would change about myself if I had  a magic wand (or a Kardashian budget). I have obsessed over diet and exercise routines. I have probably spent thousands of dollars on my appearance - makeup, hair products, weight loss tools, tanning memberships, salon bills, the list goes on and on. 

The other day while I was getting ready to go out I began my routine of internally berating my body for not looking better, for not being better. I criticized my legs for being so short and the muscles on my quads for being so big and bulky instead of lean and long. I picked on my hips for being too wide. I told my nose it could be more "button-like" and my hair that it should be softer and thicker. I asked my eyes why they weren't bigger and brighter and pleaded with my teeth to be whiter and my lips to be fuller. I wondered why my skin wasn't more tan. I begged my waist to be smaller. 

While I continued down the list of all the ways my body had failed me, I started to think about what I had learned in my anatomy and physiology class. Did you know that the human body produces 25 million new cells each second? That means that every 13 seconds, you produce more cells than there are people in the United States. How about that if you stretched out the capillaries in your lungs they would extend about 1,300 miles. My body does millions of things every second to keep me alive and healthy. Right now, without my supervision, my eyes know to blink to stay clean and lubricated, my stomach and small intestine are digesting breakfast and harvesting nutrients from the food I ate that I'll use as energy later to get me through spin class. My immune system is undoubtably fighting off some infection or virus that I'll never even know was attacking me to begin with. My kidneys are filtering toxins to send out of my body, my large intestine is absorbing water FROM MY POOP to hydrate my body. My heart is going to pump about 1,900 gallons of blood to my body today. My blood is composed of red blood cells that are going to deliver oxygen to my cells to keep them functioning and then transport the carbon dioxide back to my lungs to be cast out. And don't even get me started on the reproductive system. How is it possible that my body is capable of creating an entirely new human being, and that the tiny body that my body produces will ALSO DO ALL THE THINGS?!

My body is more complex and magical than I can even begin to comprehend. 

And then, slowly, my thinking starts to change. Those short legs, they can walk and run and skip and climb. My hips and knees hold the weight of my body and are designed to do it effortlessly. My nose can smell wonderful scents and even send a message to my brain that will bring back nostalgic memories and warm fuzzy feelings, or alert me to danger. My hair is just a bunch of proteins connected; yet it can make me feel so beautiful. My eyes somehow take in light and DMs my brain so it can interpret what I'm seeing. My mouth can taste chocolate and form words and kiss my niece's cute little toes. My skin is so sensitive that when it feels heat it alerts my nervous system which commands my muscles to move my hand off of that curling iron before I even had the chance to realize that I was hurting myself. My skin is simply the wrapping paper on the gift that is my body. 

This isn't to say that I'm suddenly thrilled with everything about myself, I'm not sure if that will ever happen. This is just a reminder to myself that there are so many more things to me thankful for than there are to hate about the body I was given. I saved a comment I saw on reddit awhile ago and recently it came back to mind (I apologize in advance - I can't give credit to the author).

"Think about it, there are 100 billion stars in the galaxy and ten times as many cells in your body, your body is a universe within itself. You are the universe on a microscale. You are large and vast and open and complex, just like the universe. There is nothing that is fundamentally wrong with you and a lot that is fundamentally right. I don't know your situation but I know that you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in one drop." 

Proverbs 31 Woman vs. Kaitie

I am in a season of serious conviction, which I am learning is a huge blessing. I truly believe that I am seeing myself painfully clearly for probably the first time in my life. In this season I have been searching for inspiration, and I hear all the time in the Christian community about the Proverbs 31 Woman. Many books and Bible studies have been about her, she is the Mona Lisa of The Bible and every mother-in-law's dream. She is TRULY amazing. My only problem with her is that she bears no resemblance to me. Don't believe me? Keep reading.

-This is Proverbs 31 (The Message Version), with Kaitie commentary-

Hymn to a Good Wife

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,

and worth far more than diamonds.

(Kaitie likes diamonds but thinks the movie Blood Diamond is SO SAD.)
Her husband trusts her without reserve,

and never has reason to regret it.

(Trustworthy, yes. Kaitie is trustworthy. Tell her secrets. She'll only tell her very best friends, but they won't tell anyone else.)
Never spiteful, she treats him generously

all her life long.

(Kaitie is ONLY spiteful if she feels she was treated rudely.)
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,

and enjoys knitting and sewing.

(Well, Kaitie cannot knit or sew, but she does shop a lot.)
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places

and brings back exotic surprises.

(Kaitie wonders if Target carries exotic surprises.)

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast 

for her family and organizing her day.

(It is a miracle if Kaitie is up before noon on a weekend. Kaitie's days can rarely be considered organized.)
She looks over a field and buys it, 

then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.

(Kaitie unfortunately cannot afford a field. Also, every plant that Kaitie touches dies instantly.)
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, 

rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

(First thing in the morning, Kaitie hits snooze six times then has to rush out the door, occasionally without brushing her teeth.)
She senses the worth of her work, 

is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

(Kaitie watches the clock every second of every work day. "8 hours until I can go home........ 7 hours and 59 minutes until I can go home......)
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, 

diligent in homemaking.

(Kaitie often watches HGTV and wonders what it would be like to be crafty or good at homemaking.)
She’s quick to assist anyone in need, 

reaches out to help the poor.

(Kaitie seldom carries cash, but if she does have cash she will give a few dollars to the man banging on her car window. Kaitie then tells herself what a good person she is for being so generous.)
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
 their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.

(Kaitie hates the snow and is always worried about the possibility of snow. When it does snow, Kaitie complains about said snow until snow melts.)
She makes her own clothing,
 and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

(Kaitie's wardrobe is 99% yoga pants, Kaitie does not know how one would make yoga pants.)
Her husband is greatly respected
 when he deliberates with the city fathers.

(Kaitie doesn't have a husband so Kaitie feels awkward....)
She designs gowns and sells them,
 brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,

(As previously stated, Kaitie cannot make clothes. Even if Kaitie could make clothes, she probably would not do it because it sounds like a lot of work.) 

and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

(Kaitie sometimes smiles but never before she's had caffeine.)
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,

and she always says it kindly.

(Kaitie loves to talk and speaks constantly without a single worthwhile thing to say. Kaitie tries to be kind but is sarcastic by nature and is always surprised when people are offended by her comments, especially since Kaitie thought she was being hilarious.)
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,

and keeps them all busy and productive.

(Kaitie doesn't even want to be busy herself, let alone make other people be busy. If anything, Kaitie encourages others to be more lazy so they can watch Netflix with her.)
Her children respect and bless her;

her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
 but you’ve outclassed them all!”

(Kaitie IS very classy and if she had a husband she is sure he would probably say that about her.)
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.

(Kaitie once took a personality test that labeled her as "The Charmer" and was very proud. Kaitie worries a lot about appearances. People may even consider Kaitie to be extremely vain. People are right.)

The woman to be admired and praised
 is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!

Festoon her life with praises!

(Kaitie wants to start using the word festoon because she thinks it is fun to say. Kaitie thinks the woman described SHOULD be admired and praised. Kaitie wants to find a woman like this to be her friend so this woman can do things for Kaitie.)

As you can see, I am not this woman. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't simply a "Woe is me, I'm the worst." post. This is a "Wait a minute, can I be a Godly woman and a Godly wife without being the Proverbs 31 woman?" post.

Boy, am I hoping the answer is yes. 

The Bible tells about two sisters, Mary and Martha. Martha was such a Proverbs 31 woman. Jesus came to visit her and her sister and she was the hostess with the mostest. She probably set up the most amazing feast for him and she probably scrubbed the house from top to bottom. While he was there she ran around the house, making sure that the evening went smoothly. She was hard working, detail oriented, maybe even a little OCD. Martha.  Then there was Mary. Mary sounds a lot more like me, not helping AT ALL. Here's the story.

^{Luke 10:38} As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” ⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Now I'm not condoning laziness per se, unless Jesus is visiting your house, in which case, chill out. I am just saying that I hope that when Jesus sees a girl like me, he sees a Mary Girl. I hope her children will call her blessed because they see how much she really loves Jesus, and how much she adores their dad. I hope that breakfast made at 10 AM can still be as wonderful as breakfast made at 5 AM. I hope she can bless her husband by being a source of encouragement, instead of just growing a garden. I hope that if her home is cluttered and her meals are all burnt and her clothes are not home-made that she can still be worth diamonds and worthy of praise. I hope that there is worth and value in a wife who sits at the feet of the Lord and tries to seek him.

I hope I can be that kind of wife, because I know I have no shot at being the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. And I rejoice knowing that no matter what, the God of grace that I know and love is not measuring me against her. Now to find an understanding and gracious husband.......

What It Means to Truly Love Someone

Mark 12:30-31

³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’³¹ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Sunday after Sunday I have listened to sermons about the significance of these instructions and the sanctity they should hold on the life of a Christian, and despite being bathed in these words my whole life, last Sunday I heard them a bit differently. It was like hearing them for the first time.

I began to think about what that really means, to love your neighbor. I have always tried my best to be kind to those around me. I have believed for years that being unpleasant to someone you do not care for does not make you honest, but someone lacking maturity. I consider myself to be (as much as possible) a nice girl. But when Jesus taught the Pharisees the most important things that his followers must do he didn't call us to Love God and be nice to our neighbor. He didn't ask me to tolerate my neighbor. He didn't ask me to smile at my neighbor even when I didn't want to, or to feign interest in my neighbor even if I think they're boring. He asked me to LOVE them. 


The dictionary defines love as 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, or 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. 

Can we just let that sink in? Profoundly tender, personal attachment and deep affection. Not the ability to hold off my eye rolls until I am out of the presence of someone that really gets on my nerves. 

I don't know about you, but this is hard for me. Not that I consider myself to be extremely disingenuous nor do I feel constantly annoyed with those around me, but when I think about all of the people I come into contact with: coworkers, slow waitstaff, the guy who hogs the smith machine at the gym, that women who cut me off in traffic today, that person whose Facebook status about politics made my blood boil, everyone in the world, I begin to wonder how well I am truly feeling for them a tender warmth and affection. The reality is, love is absolutely an action. But love is also a state of mind, it must come from the inside-out. I MUST truly begin see each person I know and meet as the child of God that they are and to change the condition of my heart to really embrace them, to identify the wonderful things about them and to care about their well-being. I must feel sympathy and sorrow in their sadness and joy in their moments of triumph. I must forgive them for offenses that they haven't asked forgiveness for and pray for them always.

This is what I was made to do, but I cannot do it on my own. The kind of love that extends past your inner circle of your favorite people in the world must come from God. I must ask Him everyday to fill my heart with love and compassion for His people, so that I can see them through His ever-loving eyes. It is impossible to expect myself to feel this completely on my own. So, not only must we love God with all of our hearts, soul, mind, and strength because He is almighty, loving, and deserving of it, but because it is the ONLY way to do the second thing He asks of us, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (And I love myself a lot, there's no person in the world who is on my mind more.) 

Goodness, what a relief it is to know that I don't have to force myself to be loving any longer. Since my heart can be daily filled with love given to me, a love for that is mine to distribute, I no longer have to try so hard, and being kind is no longer a task. When you love someone sincerely it is no longer a burden, but an honor.

21 Things I Learned in my 21st Year

Hello friends, since yesterday was my first birthday as a girl with a blog, I've decided to start a tradition. I'm going to share some of the wisdom, lessons, and other things I learned in that year of life. Luckily for you, I made tons of mistakes and learned a lot in my twenty-first year. This subject will get much harder to write about and be much more boring to read when I'm twenty-five, perfect, and already know everything that there is to know about life. So for now, enjoy.

1. I've learned that Netflix is a good investment for any single person. In those rare instances that I'm feeling lonely, all I have to do is turn on Sons of Anarchy and it's like Charlie Hunnam is my boyfriend. Other seasons I completed this year: New Girl, Orange is The New Black, Game of Thrones, Girls, and Freaks and Geeks. (Stop judgin')
2. I've learned that confidence has little to do with your current weight/shape and a lot more to do with what you're doing to improve. I can tell you the best I've felt this whole year was maybe two pounds less than the worst I've felt all year, and in reality I only felt so poorly because of the lack of exercise I was doing and the junk I was putting into my body. I know I should be treating my body as a temple, and when I do I feel like a million bucks.
3. I've learned that living with a boyfriend is really fun until it isn't anymore, and I won't be making that mistake again. Future suitors: if you want to be my roomie, put a ring on it.
4. However, I've also learned that living with friends is AMAZING. Whatever idiot said that living with friends is a mistake must not have had as great of friends as I do. I have loved every second of living with several of my best friends this year.
5. I've learned that your real best friends really do remain your best friends wherever you go. I moved across the country this year and was so afraid of losing contact, but my relationships with the people I love back home are just as strong now if not even stronger.

6. I've learned that you cannot turn an all-natural labor into a party, even if you make a great playlist. Having a baby is not fun and even your best friend will not laugh at your jokes mid-contraction.
7. I've learned that being able to drink does not make you an adult. In fact, being an adult has nothing to do with your age and much more to do with taking responsibility of your own actions and accepting the consequences gracefully.
8. I've learned that I am capable of doing a lot more than I ever would have thought. I put a lot of limitations on myself and told myself that I can't do things just because there's so much that I've never tried.
9. I've learned that there's no reason to stay in a relationship where you are merely tolerated, and to never settle for a relationship unless there you are truly valued and celebrated. (In the next post I will elaborate on this.)
10. I've learned that my parents (never had so much trouble typing anything in my life) probably do know best. About almost everything. The older I get the better their advice has gotten. 
11. I've learned that just because the shots are free DOES NOT mean that you should take them. 
12. Also, just because the cop is cute, does not mean you should flirt with him. 
13. Also, the cute cop won't care that the reason you were going 20 miles over the speed limit was because you had to use the ladies room.
14. I've learned that even the most severe cases of baby fever can be remedied by living with your newborn niece.
15. I've learned the importance of finding a church that you really love. It makes all the difference.
16. I've learned that leopard print loafers and a pair of brown riding boots are all the shoes you'll really need to get through winter. Unless you're an idiot and move to Chicago and then you might also need snow boots.
17. I've learned that working in a club is not nearly as glamorous as it looks. In fact, it's very icky.
18. I've learned that no matter how wonderful my friends are or my boyfriend is- if I have the flu I just want my Mommy. And I think I always will.
19. I've learned that while you absolutely have the right to your own opinion, you do not automatically have the right to always speak it. I've learned that there is wisdom in keeping your opinions to yourself.  And if your friend wants a critique on their relationship-they'll ask for one. Chances are you're probably less of an expert than you think anyway.
20. I've learned how to beatbox proficiently. I've learned how fun it is to keep learning new and useless things. 
21. I've learned that change is good and it's a lot better when you believe that Someone that loves you is watching out for you. It's much easier to be at peace with your decisions when you know that you can't stray from the path that is set for you.

So that's it. Here's to the twenty-two thousand things I'll learn in my twenty-second year of life.

Nut Job Christians

 

Turn on your tv, but not right now, you should finish reading this first. Stephanie, Mike, and I just finished watching the hilarious, extremely clever and well-written Netflix Original Series "Orange is the New Black." It's mostly about a woman whose past relationship with a drug dealer lands her a spot in federal prison. We watched the whole series in under a week! It was that good. 

But towards the end of Season 1 (SPOILER ALERT!!) the writers brought in a new character called "Pensatucky" who is the most ignorant portrayal of a "Christian" that I have ever witnessed. She is quite literally a crackhead who is under the impression that she has been chosen by God to tell all the other women in the prison why they are damned to Hell, and eventually tries to kill one of her fellow inmates for having a different opinion about God. I know that many Christians may have the instinct (while watching someone bash your beliefs) to turn off the television and never look back, or maybe even to write a disgruntled email to the producers complaining about the way that they portray our faith. But I am encouraging you to try something different. Watch.

Why I'm asking you to do this is because we who know Jesus need to see exactly how we are being charicatured, because chances are that someone you know has this exact opinion of you. Or people like you. Why?  Because somewhere in the church it is partially or often even completely true.  We must come to realize that to some who has never been in close contact with a Christ-follower who is living out the gospel, this may all that they see. This is all that they know. It would be easy to see the picket signs held by the members of Westboro Baptist and to truly believe that this is the way that all Christians feel.

I am actually begging those of you (Christians) who are reading this to let it constantly be on your mind that you are in the world and you are constantly being watched. You might be the only chance for others to see that there are Christians who choose love over judgement, service over shouting, caring over condemnation.  There are those who hold others to the same measure of grace that they expect God to show them--and we must be seen and heard to make a difference.   It is so very important to show the world that we know that we have not earned our passage into heaven, and that we never could. In Christ alone. We do know this, right?

So how can we get that across?  
For one, please stop using your Facebook as a megaphone to broadcast your controversial views on gay marriage. What good does it do to stir up an argument on your newsfeed? (Apart from making me giggle.) Understand that you cannot expect people who do not believe what you believe to feel convicted about everything that you feel convicted about. It is the Spirit's job to convict people, our sole purpose in this world is to love your God and to love the people that He loves, which includes everyone you know and all the people you don't know, too.  Believe me when I say that judgement of others comes from no other emotion but pride. Not concern, not love, not even fear, only pride. 

Teresa of Avila wrote
"Christ has no body but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
Yours are the eyes with which he looks
Compassion on this world,
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
Yours are the eyes, you are his body."

We must live our lives as if we are the only opportunity someone we know or meet may have to see Jesus.   Because it just might be.

Foolproof Way to Know if a Man Likes You

I kid you not, ladies. I have the answer to the question that women have been asking for thousands of years. This is the end to the wondering, the text message analyzing, the over-thinking, and the disappointment that inevitably comes when you misread the signs. You don't have to dissect his body language, ask him, or (God forbid) ask his friends.

The absolutely foolproof way of knowing if a man likes you is....

(drum roll, please)

HE WILL TELL YOU.

Now please take note. I did not title this post The Foolproof Way to Know if a BOY likes you, or even a guy. I'm talking about a man. A REAL man. And, really, who wants to settle for anything less?

Once, I was talking to my ever-so-wise sister-in-law about a guy that I liked, which I do all the time despite the fact that I usually write off her advice because she met the love of her life when she was sixteen that she has no idea what being single really feels like. Anyway, I was doing my usual over-analyzing, and I said "Stephanie, I just can't figure out what he's thinking."

And much to my surprise my brilliant sister-in-law replied "Don't think about what he is thinking, it only matters what he is saying."

This was truly a revolutionary thought to me, considering I have read every article ever written on decoding the signals to know if the guy really liked you. I considered myself an expert on the subject and often advised my friends with my plethora of knowledge. I even told myself, "You have two brothers, Kaitie, you understand men better than most girls." But if this was the case, why was I so often feeling disappointed when things didn't go the way that I'd thought that they would?

The best advice I can give to any woman or girl is to wait to be pursued. You are worth it. You are worth a man risking making a fool out of himself for a chance to be with you. You are worth being told how lovely you are, and how lucky he would be to have you. You deserve to be swept off of your feet. You are a princess, and you deserve a freaking prince!

In the Bible (Genesis, to be precise) a man named Jacob fell in love with a beautiful woman named Rachel. After knowing her for a very short amount of time he approached her father to make a deal, so that he could have her hand in marriage. Her father allowed him to work for SEVEN YEARS to be eligible to marry his lovely daughter. And after seven years of labor, the day finally came when Jacob was allowed to wed his bride. Much to his surprise, his soon to be father-in-law tricked him into marrying Rachel's sister, Leah with the use of a very heavy veil. Unfortunately for Leah, Jacob's love remained with Rachel, and so he agreed to work ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS for the privilege of marrying the one that he truly loved. Now tell me, if Jacob was willing to not only wait, but work for fourteen years for one girl, why can't we hold men to the standard of taking us out on a date to somewhere other than burger king and letting us know of their intentions? Answer: We can.

Knowing this, when you are faced with the option of either pursuing a man that you like, stressing out over whether or not he likes you, or just leaving it alone, go with the latter. If he is not making his intentions known, there are likely only two options.

1. He doesn't like you the way that you like him. It's that simple. And truthfully, it's not a big deal because it simply means it was not meant to be. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or that you messed up your chances. It only means he isn't the one. Or...

2. He isn't bold enough to tell you. If he wants to play mind games, keep his options open, or doesn't have the courage to relieve you of your doubts, than he is not the one for you (at the very least, for right now.)

The sole purpose of this blog, Single Girls, is to allow you the opportunity to rest. If you enjoy the drama, then by all means continue to stalk his facebook and instagram to see if he puts up pictures with any other girl, memorize his schedule and try to run into him at random places (mastered this in the hallways in high school) ask your girlfriends what they think about what he said to you about how babies are cute that one time, or stare at the phone all day waiting for a text. As for me, I'm going to take a nap.

Princes and Fairy Godmothers

Even if you know very little about me, you probably still know that I am a shameless romantic. Occasionally I try to disguise it, but most of the time I let my stargazer flag fly. In fact, I would be lying if I told you that just five minutes ago I was not watching wedding videos of complete strangers and sobbing. I know, pathetic.

But being newly single, I have been thinking a lot about what that really means for my future. If you had ever asked the fifteen year old me what my future was going to hold, I would have told you confidently that there wasn’t a chance that I wouldn’t have AT LEAST met my husband by the time that I was twenty-one (and a half.) I was always very sure that I would meet the man of my dreams in high school or soon after, date for a (very short) amount of time and before long he would obviously realize that he couldn’t possibly live without me. Of course he would propose in some elaborate way, with a photographer present no doubt, to capture every precious moment. I would be a very young bride on my way to being a very young wife, followed shortly after by being a very young mother. This was always my dream. If I’m being completely honest, I wish that it hadn’t been. I wish that I had dreamed of being a doctor or a pilot or some other type of heroine of the story, but no such luck. And when I say this was always my dream, I’m not exaggerating. When I was just four years old my dad brought home a bouquet of roses for my mom, and of course, picked one out of the bunch for his darling daughter. I cradled that rose in my arms, staring at it blissfully, turned to my mother and said “Mommy, can you tell the Prince that I want this kind of flower?” For whatever reason, marriage (preferably to a prince) was my greatest aspiration. I wanted it more than anything.

Did you get that? More than anything.

My longing for my fairy tale has time and time again outweighed my longing for the only One who can truly satisfy me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (KJV) Deceitful above all things?! So, God, you mean to tell me I’ve spent my whole life singing Disney songs about ‘listening to your heart’ only to find out that my heart is the one that’ll betray me? I have learned lately that my heart has to first and foremost belong to the One who is writing my story. Or, in Cinderella terms, I need to first fall in love with my Fairy Godmother long before I even meet my prince.  I need to set my eyes on the actual prize, my Savior, rather than what I always thought would be the prize: my marriage. Matt Chandler once said, “Men and women will never find a significant other who completes them. A fling, a fantasy, a boyfriend or girlfriend -- even a spouse -- is not going to satisfy what has gone wrong in you. Only Jesus will do that. Because your heart is broken, you need a Savior, and no one person can fix it.”

So to make sure that I remain faithful, I have written these promises to myself and to God. One could even call them vows.

I will dedicate less time to creeping on peoples wedding pictures and more in The Word.

I will spend fewer hours pinning wedding dresses to my Pinterest board, and more in conversation with The Lord.

I will spend far less evenings watching romantic comedies and more days working on myself, preparing myself to be the wife I want to be for my future husband.

I will stop fantasizing about the man at the end of the aisle, and instead focus my eyes on the One who is already pursuing me, the One who already loves me unfailingly, and the One who has already given His life for me.

And even after I meet the man of my dreams, despite his six pack abs, I will never let myself love him more than my Creator and Savior.

Till death brings me into His arms.

I do.