Princes and Fairy Godmothers

Even if you know very little about me, you probably still know that I am a shameless romantic. Occasionally I try to disguise it, but most of the time I let my stargazer flag fly. In fact, I would be lying if I told you that just five minutes ago I was not watching wedding videos of complete strangers and sobbing. I know, pathetic.

But being newly single, I have been thinking a lot about what that really means for my future. If you had ever asked the fifteen year old me what my future was going to hold, I would have told you confidently that there wasn’t a chance that I wouldn’t have AT LEAST met my husband by the time that I was twenty-one (and a half.) I was always very sure that I would meet the man of my dreams in high school or soon after, date for a (very short) amount of time and before long he would obviously realize that he couldn’t possibly live without me. Of course he would propose in some elaborate way, with a photographer present no doubt, to capture every precious moment. I would be a very young bride on my way to being a very young wife, followed shortly after by being a very young mother. This was always my dream. If I’m being completely honest, I wish that it hadn’t been. I wish that I had dreamed of being a doctor or a pilot or some other type of heroine of the story, but no such luck. And when I say this was always my dream, I’m not exaggerating. When I was just four years old my dad brought home a bouquet of roses for my mom, and of course, picked one out of the bunch for his darling daughter. I cradled that rose in my arms, staring at it blissfully, turned to my mother and said “Mommy, can you tell the Prince that I want this kind of flower?” For whatever reason, marriage (preferably to a prince) was my greatest aspiration. I wanted it more than anything.

Did you get that? More than anything.

My longing for my fairy tale has time and time again outweighed my longing for the only One who can truly satisfy me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (KJV) Deceitful above all things?! So, God, you mean to tell me I’ve spent my whole life singing Disney songs about ‘listening to your heart’ only to find out that my heart is the one that’ll betray me? I have learned lately that my heart has to first and foremost belong to the One who is writing my story. Or, in Cinderella terms, I need to first fall in love with my Fairy Godmother long before I even meet my prince.  I need to set my eyes on the actual prize, my Savior, rather than what I always thought would be the prize: my marriage. Matt Chandler once said, “Men and women will never find a significant other who completes them. A fling, a fantasy, a boyfriend or girlfriend -- even a spouse -- is not going to satisfy what has gone wrong in you. Only Jesus will do that. Because your heart is broken, you need a Savior, and no one person can fix it.”

So to make sure that I remain faithful, I have written these promises to myself and to God. One could even call them vows.

I will dedicate less time to creeping on peoples wedding pictures and more in The Word.

I will spend fewer hours pinning wedding dresses to my Pinterest board, and more in conversation with The Lord.

I will spend far less evenings watching romantic comedies and more days working on myself, preparing myself to be the wife I want to be for my future husband.

I will stop fantasizing about the man at the end of the aisle, and instead focus my eyes on the One who is already pursuing me, the One who already loves me unfailingly, and the One who has already given His life for me.

And even after I meet the man of my dreams, despite his six pack abs, I will never let myself love him more than my Creator and Savior.

Till death brings me into His arms.

I do. 

First Things First

Here I am. It is four in the morning and I am finally beginning my very own blog.

I have fought against my urge to do this for quite some time now, mostly because I am of no major importance to anyone besides my parents, I am not extraordinarily funny, I'm an average writer at best, I am not even the slightest bit crafty and have no expertise in the home-making department. I am good at giving guidance to friends, but terrible at taking my own advice. I have hardly any money, no impressive skills, and I don't travel a third as much as I'd like to. In reality, my life is not remarkably interesting.

But, despite my former thoughts on the subject, that doesn't mean that there is nothing to be said about my not remarkably interesting life. I face struggles and occasionally even overcome them. In fact, I have triumphant moments regularly, even if they are as inconsequential as uploading a picture to Instagram that gets more than ten likes or completing a full work day without sneaking off to take a quick nap. So, what the heck, I'll give it a try.

Here are the things you may need to know about me.
I have recently left the East Coast for an adventurous life in Chicago, and though I've been here for two months, I still have no idea where I am going and get lost on a daily basis. Also, even though it's been a beautiful summer, I still get mad every time the wind blows in my direction and generally I yell at someone in my family "THANKS A LOT FOR MAKING ME MOVE SOMEWHERE THAT IT'S FREEZING!" I am probably not meant for this place. I work for an up-and-coming, profit-forsaking, world changing company called Tr*be Clothing Co. which you will definitely hear more about throughout this. We are clinging on to the hope that someday we might make money, but if that doesn't happen I'll probably just have to resort to my original plan of marrying rich because, like I mentioned earlier, I don't really have any useful skills (unless you consider knowing all the words to every song in human history useful.) I am facing all sorts of unbearable miniature-dramas in my life, including but not limited running out of self tanner and not being able to afford a gym membership to the fancy gym that I want so badly to be a member of. I have an extremely laid back personality though... I am extremely accomplished in the art of not worrying at all about things that should absolutely be worried about...like bills. And being murdered. 

I am incredibly close with my family, they are one of the things I love most about my life and I feel most myself in their presence. I believe I am the luckiest girl in the world to have them as my own.
Last, but certainly not least, I LOVE Jesus. I really do think He is swell. He has stuck by me and pursued me through every messed up thing I've put Him through. In so many ways, I am unlovable and He has always loved me despite that.  I am held to a standard of grace rather than perfection, and Thank the Lord for that because if it weren't for the grace I have been giving and therefore also choose to give I would be nothing short of a bitter, self-loathing, selfish, biotch. If you continue reading, you will most likely read a lot about my struggles in my faith, my realizations about The Lord, and my journey as a Christ follower. But don't worry, though, there will also be posts about not-so-serious things like make up or how angry I get when I remember that I'm not a good cook.

Does any of this relate to you, sound like you, or interest you? 
Do I sound like a friend you have, could have, or would like to have?
Are you either a close friend or a member of my family?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, check in every now and then and catch up with me and browse through some of my ramblings. Unless, of course, you answered yes to either of the last two questions in which case my blog is now required reading and I will be expecting constant positive feedback from you.

Ah, and you might have been (but probably weren't) wondering about the name of my blog. So, I will leave you with this quote which has been a reoccurring feeling I've had throughout my life. I hope it gives you the same feeling of hope it gives me.

"Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.”  -Jack Kerouac