Princes and Fairy Godmothers

Even if you know very little about me, you probably still know that I am a shameless romantic. Occasionally I try to disguise it, but most of the time I let my stargazer flag fly. In fact, I would be lying if I told you that just five minutes ago I was not watching wedding videos of complete strangers and sobbing. I know, pathetic.

But being newly single, I have been thinking a lot about what that really means for my future. If you had ever asked the fifteen year old me what my future was going to hold, I would have told you confidently that there wasn’t a chance that I wouldn’t have AT LEAST met my husband by the time that I was twenty-one (and a half.) I was always very sure that I would meet the man of my dreams in high school or soon after, date for a (very short) amount of time and before long he would obviously realize that he couldn’t possibly live without me. Of course he would propose in some elaborate way, with a photographer present no doubt, to capture every precious moment. I would be a very young bride on my way to being a very young wife, followed shortly after by being a very young mother. This was always my dream. If I’m being completely honest, I wish that it hadn’t been. I wish that I had dreamed of being a doctor or a pilot or some other type of heroine of the story, but no such luck. And when I say this was always my dream, I’m not exaggerating. When I was just four years old my dad brought home a bouquet of roses for my mom, and of course, picked one out of the bunch for his darling daughter. I cradled that rose in my arms, staring at it blissfully, turned to my mother and said “Mommy, can you tell the Prince that I want this kind of flower?” For whatever reason, marriage (preferably to a prince) was my greatest aspiration. I wanted it more than anything.

Did you get that? More than anything.

My longing for my fairy tale has time and time again outweighed my longing for the only One who can truly satisfy me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (KJV) Deceitful above all things?! So, God, you mean to tell me I’ve spent my whole life singing Disney songs about ‘listening to your heart’ only to find out that my heart is the one that’ll betray me? I have learned lately that my heart has to first and foremost belong to the One who is writing my story. Or, in Cinderella terms, I need to first fall in love with my Fairy Godmother long before I even meet my prince.  I need to set my eyes on the actual prize, my Savior, rather than what I always thought would be the prize: my marriage. Matt Chandler once said, “Men and women will never find a significant other who completes them. A fling, a fantasy, a boyfriend or girlfriend -- even a spouse -- is not going to satisfy what has gone wrong in you. Only Jesus will do that. Because your heart is broken, you need a Savior, and no one person can fix it.”

So to make sure that I remain faithful, I have written these promises to myself and to God. One could even call them vows.

I will dedicate less time to creeping on peoples wedding pictures and more in The Word.

I will spend fewer hours pinning wedding dresses to my Pinterest board, and more in conversation with The Lord.

I will spend far less evenings watching romantic comedies and more days working on myself, preparing myself to be the wife I want to be for my future husband.

I will stop fantasizing about the man at the end of the aisle, and instead focus my eyes on the One who is already pursuing me, the One who already loves me unfailingly, and the One who has already given His life for me.

And even after I meet the man of my dreams, despite his six pack abs, I will never let myself love him more than my Creator and Savior.

Till death brings me into His arms.

I do.