Proverbs 31 Woman vs. Kaitie

I am in a season of serious conviction, which I am learning is a huge blessing. I truly believe that I am seeing myself painfully clearly for probably the first time in my life. In this season I have been searching for inspiration, and I hear all the time in the Christian community about the Proverbs 31 Woman. Many books and Bible studies have been about her, she is the Mona Lisa of The Bible and every mother-in-law's dream. She is TRULY amazing. My only problem with her is that she bears no resemblance to me. Don't believe me? Keep reading.

-This is Proverbs 31 (The Message Version), with Kaitie commentary-

Hymn to a Good Wife

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,

and worth far more than diamonds.

(Kaitie likes diamonds but thinks the movie Blood Diamond is SO SAD.)
Her husband trusts her without reserve,

and never has reason to regret it.

(Trustworthy, yes. Kaitie is trustworthy. Tell her secrets. She'll only tell her very best friends, but they won't tell anyone else.)
Never spiteful, she treats him generously

all her life long.

(Kaitie is ONLY spiteful if she feels she was treated rudely.)
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,

and enjoys knitting and sewing.

(Well, Kaitie cannot knit or sew, but she does shop a lot.)
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places

and brings back exotic surprises.

(Kaitie wonders if Target carries exotic surprises.)

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast 

for her family and organizing her day.

(It is a miracle if Kaitie is up before noon on a weekend. Kaitie's days can rarely be considered organized.)
She looks over a field and buys it, 

then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.

(Kaitie unfortunately cannot afford a field. Also, every plant that Kaitie touches dies instantly.)
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, 

rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

(First thing in the morning, Kaitie hits snooze six times then has to rush out the door, occasionally without brushing her teeth.)
She senses the worth of her work, 

is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

(Kaitie watches the clock every second of every work day. "8 hours until I can go home........ 7 hours and 59 minutes until I can go home......)
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, 

diligent in homemaking.

(Kaitie often watches HGTV and wonders what it would be like to be crafty or good at homemaking.)
She’s quick to assist anyone in need, 

reaches out to help the poor.

(Kaitie seldom carries cash, but if she does have cash she will give a few dollars to the man banging on her car window. Kaitie then tells herself what a good person she is for being so generous.)
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
 their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.

(Kaitie hates the snow and is always worried about the possibility of snow. When it does snow, Kaitie complains about said snow until snow melts.)
She makes her own clothing,
 and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

(Kaitie's wardrobe is 99% yoga pants, Kaitie does not know how one would make yoga pants.)
Her husband is greatly respected
 when he deliberates with the city fathers.

(Kaitie doesn't have a husband so Kaitie feels awkward....)
She designs gowns and sells them,
 brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,

(As previously stated, Kaitie cannot make clothes. Even if Kaitie could make clothes, she probably would not do it because it sounds like a lot of work.) 

and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

(Kaitie sometimes smiles but never before she's had caffeine.)
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,

and she always says it kindly.

(Kaitie loves to talk and speaks constantly without a single worthwhile thing to say. Kaitie tries to be kind but is sarcastic by nature and is always surprised when people are offended by her comments, especially since Kaitie thought she was being hilarious.)
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,

and keeps them all busy and productive.

(Kaitie doesn't even want to be busy herself, let alone make other people be busy. If anything, Kaitie encourages others to be more lazy so they can watch Netflix with her.)
Her children respect and bless her;

her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
 but you’ve outclassed them all!”

(Kaitie IS very classy and if she had a husband she is sure he would probably say that about her.)
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.

(Kaitie once took a personality test that labeled her as "The Charmer" and was very proud. Kaitie worries a lot about appearances. People may even consider Kaitie to be extremely vain. People are right.)

The woman to be admired and praised
 is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!

Festoon her life with praises!

(Kaitie wants to start using the word festoon because she thinks it is fun to say. Kaitie thinks the woman described SHOULD be admired and praised. Kaitie wants to find a woman like this to be her friend so this woman can do things for Kaitie.)

As you can see, I am not this woman. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't simply a "Woe is me, I'm the worst." post. This is a "Wait a minute, can I be a Godly woman and a Godly wife without being the Proverbs 31 woman?" post.

Boy, am I hoping the answer is yes. 

The Bible tells about two sisters, Mary and Martha. Martha was such a Proverbs 31 woman. Jesus came to visit her and her sister and she was the hostess with the mostest. She probably set up the most amazing feast for him and she probably scrubbed the house from top to bottom. While he was there she ran around the house, making sure that the evening went smoothly. She was hard working, detail oriented, maybe even a little OCD. Martha.  Then there was Mary. Mary sounds a lot more like me, not helping AT ALL. Here's the story.

^{Luke 10:38} As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” ⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Now I'm not condoning laziness per se, unless Jesus is visiting your house, in which case, chill out. I am just saying that I hope that when Jesus sees a girl like me, he sees a Mary Girl. I hope her children will call her blessed because they see how much she really loves Jesus, and how much she adores their dad. I hope that breakfast made at 10 AM can still be as wonderful as breakfast made at 5 AM. I hope she can bless her husband by being a source of encouragement, instead of just growing a garden. I hope that if her home is cluttered and her meals are all burnt and her clothes are not home-made that she can still be worth diamonds and worthy of praise. I hope that there is worth and value in a wife who sits at the feet of the Lord and tries to seek him.

I hope I can be that kind of wife, because I know I have no shot at being the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. And I rejoice knowing that no matter what, the God of grace that I know and love is not measuring me against her. Now to find an understanding and gracious husband.......